So, a six year old schoolboy makes the shooting gun gesture with his finger and the idiots at the Roscoe Nix Elementary School in Silver Spring, Maryland decided to suspend him. They’ve now backed down, but there is apparently some controversy over whether he just pointed his finger or whether he also said “Pow!”
Here’s a question that will blow your mind: What if he’d said “Zap!”? What then, huh? Is shooting someone with a finger ray gun a lesser crime than shooting someone with a finger firearm because the pretend gun uses pretend technology? Or is it a greater crime because if ray gun technology existed it would be even more dangerous? I urge the Montgomery County school board to address this issue immediately!
When I was in high school, a bunch of us would do this thing where whenever we ran into each other we’d point and say “zap”. Just a silly thing we did. One of the teachers even joined in sometimes. Then again, he was the irresponsible child-endangerer who also sometimes borrowed my Swiss Army knife instead of having me arrested for it. It was the 80’s, people were irresponsible that way.
That’s right, I carried a blade in school, because I was badass.
(Hat tip: Jack Marshall)
Back in the day…
I drew a bead on my science teacher. Pow! I gut shot the S.O.B. He’d bleed out in thirty minutes or so.
Mr. Smith: Jack, what are you doing?
Mad Jack: Nothing.
Mr. Smith: Jack, did you just shoot at me?
Mad Jack: No.
Mr. Smith: Then who were you shooting at?
Mad Jack: Keith. (Keith flips me off.)
Mr. Smith: Did you get him?
Mad Jack: Huh? Ah, well, yeah, I got him. Nailed him clean.
Mr. Smith: Then why did you say you weren’t doing anything?
Mad Jack: Well, because.
Mr. Smith: Because?
Mad Jack: Because I wasn’t. At least, nothing important.
Mr. Smith: Is paying attention in class important?
Mad Jack: Yes. Sir.
So I lied. Sue me. Paying attention in Smith’s class wasn’t important because the class was for retards and Smith didn’t want to be there. He was an Olympic contender that couldn’t make the grade.