Instead. “I need to see your license and carry permit.” Which was just as well, for reasons I’m not going to go into, about where some people put their insurance cards.
He didn’t ask about that.
“Do me a favor, sir, and step out of the car.” He didn’t sound like it was really a favor, so I did, and pocketed the keys, closing and locking the door behind me quite appropriately.
This is embarrassing, but I do have an excuse. Some other time. “Shoulder holster.”
“And where is the firearm?”
, “My carry permit and drivers license are in my left hip pocket, Officer; and, yes, I’m carrying today.” Oh. somewhere that a guy shouldI answered, as I read
— comes up to the window, and asks for my D/L, proof of insurance and… “…do you have any firearms on you?” never mind quite which agency; I’ve got my reasonshe cop —
So I promptly found a safe place to pull over, and did just that. T
Shit.
I was so distracted by that phone call that I didn’t notice that I’d let my speed creep up to a tad over the legal limit, until I noticed the flashing lights.
that are going on. Some other time. issues So I had a xerox of both in my front shirt pocket, wrapped around $400 in cash. I got a call from my younger daughter’s school about some…
Perfectly reasonable.
I was running over to meet a guy to buy a gun. Private sale. Since he’s not an idiot, he wanted a copy of my DL and permit, just to adhere to the forms.
will be first to point them out . . . after all, he’s got a head start. He’s heard the story.Kevin EckerThere’s actually some lessons to be learned from this; I’m figuring that “Sure. It’s in my left hip pocket. Would you like me to take it out?” said: should haveWhat I 
Well, when he took the piece of paper either I let go too soon or he grabbed at it too late, and the money started flying all over the place . . .
, I said, more or less accurately. The gun store
“And where were you going with a copy of your permit wrapped around $400?”
So I explained, with a fair amount of stuttering, I think, that, yes, there was some money in there, but I wasn’t offering him either a bribe or a tip, just so there wasn’t going to be any misunderstanding.
I was just about to hand a cop a piece of paper wrapped around twenty twenty-dollar bills, and it was a bit too late to withdraw the offer.
Well, so did I.
You see where this is going? 
I think he liked the idea that I wasn’t going to be reaching anywhere, so he said that that would do, and I took out the piece of paper, and started to hand to him.
. “Sure. I’ve got a copy of both in my shirt pocket. Would you like to see that?” said What I And he stuck out a hand, and I shook it, and he went his way, and I went mine.
“You drive safe, Joel,” he said.
came out of my mouth. thank youI didn’t quite know what to say, but I think something like
He said it the other way. and there’s nothing I can do about it, but I’d like to.” — to the US Constitution. You seem to,” he said, handing the paper back to me, “work the First and Second pretty hard, and that’s just fine.” There are ways to say it that mean
correct him and point out that there’s more; that’s just the Bill of Rights. Didn’t even think of it until later, and I’m not always a stickler for details. not I did
of the Amendments — ” ten as a generic, “who believe in all not And he sort of cocked his head to one side, and was clearly making a decision, and then he made it, and he said, “you know, there’s some of us jackbooted thugs,” this is a phrase I use, but to describe a certain kind of bad cop,
watch the phone stuff when you’re speeding.Yes, he said,
“I’m just going to give you an ‘advisory’, Mr. Rosenberg. Watch the phone stuff when you’re speeding.”
Oh, goodie. I think that was a figure of speech. Really.
“You’re fine, Mr. Rosenberg,” he says, and then smiles. “Guess if you had any warrants on you, the Gang Strike Force would have kicked in your door yesterday, after all.”
A couple of minutes (which didn’t feel like minutes, but the cigarette timed them), he comes back, and we move around to the side of the car.
intently. Very
“Just wait here a minute, while I run this,” he says, waving the paper. He sort of glances at me, as though he was going to ask me to produce the DL — they can swipe them, rather than type stuff in — but then he goes back to his car, and I just wait over to the side of the road, smoking a cigarette.
So we both count out the money — and it’s all there, and we’re in front of his cruiser, so if there’s a camera running, it’s all on the record, and we both announce the amount, and it’s the same $400 that it should be– and he hands it back to me and suggests that I tuck it away, which I do.
he smiles, and it’s a friendly smile. this is about to get bad,Just as I’m thinking
, of all people, to think that some money’s missing.” you. I wouldn’t want Rosenberg“Better count it, and make sure we didn’t miss any.” He glances down at the piece of paper, and frowns. “…Mr.
So, with the money flying all around, he dashes for it, and after a couple of seconds, I figure that it’s okay if I help — if he was worried I was going to, like shoot him in the back or go all stabbity, he probably wouldn’t have turned his back to me — and since it’s not all that windy, he and I (mainly him; he’s younger and moves faster) quickly gather it up and hands what he’s got to me, and no guns, knives, tasers, nor clubs come out.
the guy. And if the story ends a bit anticlimactically, hey, I didn’t write the script, and don’t mind that at all. like He could have written me, and he didn’t, and I’m not about to don tactical kneepads, and all, but, hey, I
Not vouching for him on other stuff, but, hey, yeah, I’ve got a soft spot in my heart and head for cops who cut a guy a break when they don’t have to.
cops. I like this guy. Some Yeah, I like cops.
As a friend pointed out to me, a bit later, when we were discussing this, the reason that I didn’t find it offensive for him to first-name me is that he was doing it as a human sort of thing — he’d already been formal, and was saying that as one guy to another, not a cop talking down to a “civilian,” as he wasn’t.
Afterthought: I guess it’s possible that he knew who I was when he pulled me over, but I was driving SWMBO’s car; the War Wagon was getting its a/c worked on that day.
What can we learn from this?
A lot, I think. Over to you.
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