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Happy Chanukah

December 22, 2008 By Joel Rosenberg 5 Comments

These eight days ain’t about candles performing beyond their published specs.

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  1. Eric Johnson says

    December 22, 2008 at 2:23 pm

    I don’t understand this. Could you explain?

    Reply
  2. Joel Rosenberg says

    December 22, 2008 at 3:14 pm

    Sure.

    Short form: Chanukah isn’t the “Jewish Christmas.” It does not celebrate peace on Earth, nor good will toward men.

    Longer form: it’s also a very minor holiday, everywhere except in the US, where it’s accorded a major status, largely so Christians can celebrate Christmas in public schools by bringing in the token Jewish holiday. (Back when that started to be prominent, Ron Karenga noticed, and created Kwanzaa, to capitalize on the tokenism. But I digress.) And so Jewish parents can keep up with the Jones, by buying the kids not one but eight-count-’em-eight presents.

    The wussified, denatured version of the Chanukah story — if you have a kid, and the kid has gone to a US public school, he or she has probably gotten this — is that after some usually unspecified unpleasantness, the winners rededicated the Temple and found themselves with only one day’s supply of lamp oil, which lasted for eight days. Hoorah. Cue the candles, and presents. Eat the latkes; spin the dreydl.

    Well, no. That tale was a late addition; it doesn’t appear in Macabees — either the first book or the sequel.

    Me, well, I’ve told this one before, so stop me if you’ve heard this . . .

    It’s a lot more like Star Wars, really — The Return of the Jedi in particular. Think of the Syrians as the Empire, the Maccabees as the Ewoks, and remember that toppling the Assyrian war elephants wasn’t nearly as cute as toppling the Imperial Walkers, and do remember the Ewoks piling up the heads of the Imperial Stormtroopers. (You don’t think those helmets were empty, do you?)

    Some years ago, I was asked by my daughter Judy’s second-grade teacher to come in and explain Chanukah to her class.

    I resisted, at first — I find the tokenism offensive, albeit unintentionally so — but I did finally relent. He was pretty persistent.

    The only condition I insisted on was that I’d tell the truth about Chanukah, in a way that I thought second-graders could understand.

    So, I went in, and he introduced me, and talked about how Chanukah was one of the holidays that we all celebrate this time of year (I think my body language said, “Say what?”).

    I kept it short. “Chanukah is the time that we Jews celebrate having risen up and murdered the people who tried to make us celebrate their holidays.

    “You know, like Christmas.”

    Reply
  3. Mark Draughn says

    December 22, 2008 at 4:36 pm

    Huh. I always thought the Americanization of Chanukah was mostly about keeping little Jewish boys and girls from feeling left out while their Christian friends were getting all those cool toys…

    In any case, Happy Chanukah, Joel you crazy gun nut!

    Reply
  4. Joel Rosenberg says

    December 22, 2008 at 4:46 pm

    Thanks. I’ll give you a serious answer, though: other than in the US (and that part of the US that calls itself ‘Canada’) Chanukah isn’t that big a deal in Jewish communities; it’s mainly a US thing, even in those countries where Christmas is a big deal.

    For my next buzzkill, remind me to talk about the last chapter-but-one in the Book of Esther . . .

    Reply
  5. Authentic Connecticut Republican says

    December 23, 2008 at 8:25 am

    But seriously folks….I received this email from my freind Rabbi Joseph Eisenbach.
    (I’ve gotten to know the good Rabbi (among the kindest and funniest men I’ve ever known) while attempting to aid him in his efforts to establish a new Synagogue in Litchfield, Connecticut)

    Menorah lightings this evening!
    Dedicated to remembering the victims of Mumbai


    With the activities of Chabad-Lubavitch of Northwest CT now at their Chanukah peak, I’m delighted to share an exciting campaign that promises to enlarge Chanukah awareness and participation in its celebrations in significant measure.

    Unite the Lights was developed by Chabad. It brings the Chanukah message of light and goodness to a universal audience, making the holiday’s significance resonate widely.

    The campaign Unite The Lights asks that we all dedicate one night of Chanukah to remembering the victims of Mumbai. It encourages everyone to commit to a mitzvah as a way of ensuring that those who were murdered continue to live through the good deeds their memory inspires.

    Reply

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