The War on Tiny Little Baggies

Not satisfied with making my city the butt of jokes for banning foie gras, some moron in the City Council wants to ban tiny little plastic bags, because, you know, people sell drugs in them:

Ald. Robert Fioretti (2nd) persuaded the Health Committee to ban possession of “self-sealing plastic bags under two inches in either height or width,” after picking up 15 of the bags on a recent Sunday afternoon stroll through a West Side park.

He has some bozo in the police department backing him up:

Lt. Kevin Navarro, commanding officer of the Chicago Police Department’s Narcotics and Gang Unit, said the ordinance will be an “important tool” to go after grocery stores, health food stores and other businesses. The bags are used by the thousand to sell small quantities of drugs at $10 or $20 a bag.

There are some obvious problems:

Prior to the final vote, Ald. Walter Burnett (27th) expressed concern about arresting innocent people. He noted that extra buttons that come with suits, shirts and blouses — and jewelry that’s been repaired — come in similar plastic bags.

Also electrical components, beads and findings used to make jewelry, camera parts, computer parts, small tools, replacement screws, and lots of other stuff that idiot aldermen don’t use and therefore don’t care about.

Burnett was reassured by language that states “one reasonably should know that such items will be or are being used” to package, transfer, deliver or store a controlled substance. Violators would be punished by a $1,500 fine.

That sort of “one reasonably should know” language in laws always pisses me off. It’s an attempt to skirt the requirement for proof beyond a reasonable doubt. In order to convict people of dealing drugs, Lt. Navarro and his unit would have to catch people with actual drugs. But with a “reasonably should know” clause, they don’t have to prove the existence of any drugs to get a conviction.

If this passes, expect to see a series of sting operations where police or informants go into stores to buy tiny plastic baggies and carefully use some drug slang before completing the purchase, thus allowing them to arrest shopkeepers and grocery clerks, who are well-known to be the lynchpin of the illegal drug trade. This will be especially effective when the clerks and shopkeepers are immigrants who don’t understand English drug slang. 

Clearly, once we deprive drug gangs of their tiny little baggie technology, we’ll finally be able to win the war on drugs…unless of course those drug dealers are smart enough to import tiny little baggies from the suburbs, or switch to slightly larger baggies, or use heat-seal baggies, or switch to wax paper bindles, or use folded tinfoil pouches, or small plastic bottles, or small glass bottles, or tiny cardboard boxes, or pill sorters, or condoms, or tampon wrappers, or drinking straws clamped shut at the ends, or folded dollar bills, or…