Considering a Geiger Counter

It probably says something about me that I’m thinking of buying a Geiger counter.

It’s not that I really have a need to detect radioactivity, exactly. But you know all those CSI shows where they pull out the UV light and shine it around a crime scene to find suspicious stains? If you tried that at home, the ultraviolet light would probably find all kinds of messes — where the dog peed on the rug, or a child spilled food, or granddad didn’t quite make it to the bathroom that one time — things you’d probably rather not know are there. And you’re really better off not knowing what would show up if you tried that on the sheets the next time you’re staying at a cheap hotel.

Well, I have this theory that there’s a little bit of the same thing going on with radioactivity. That is, I think if I poked around with a Geiger counter in some likely places — the alleys behind hospitals, university science buildings, junkyards that are not supposed to be used for radioactive waste — I’ll bet I’d find some radioactivity that’s hanging out where it’s not supposed to be.

Also, all kinds of radioactive stuff got into the wild in the early days of the nuclear age, and some of that stuff is still knocking about — radioactive samples from educational kits, mid-1900’s red-glazed earthenware, radioactive materials that were not properly disposed of and we reworked into everything from elevator buttons to jewelry — and it would be fun to try to find some of it.

Truthfully, I need to research this a lot more. I need to have a much better plan for finding stuff than just “looking around.” I’m not even sure what kind of Geiger counter I’d need. I’ll have to come up with theories backed by historical evidence for how radioactive materials could get into the environment in quantities I could detect with equipment I can afford. Then I’d have to come up with a plan for searching for it, preferably without attracting the kind of attention you might get when someone points out the strange guy with a clicking box to the police.

It probably says something about my marriage that when I told my wife I was thinking of buying a Geiger counter, she was genuinely surprised that I didn’t already have one.