In Which Someone Mistakes Me For a Successful Business

This seems to have been the week for bashing marketers who send silly email messages in the legal blogosphere (although Brian and Scott don’t really need a special week for that), and I need to exercise my brain on the new blogging software, so I think I’ll do a little bashing of my own.

I received an interestingly self-refuting email a few days ago from a salesman named James:

Hi Mark,  I am inquiring about a full time sales position covering California. My 10 years of experience selling software and consulting services in Western US could generate two or three million dollars in new revenue in 2013.

He goes on to make his pitch:

Independent lead generation has enabled me to develop a sales funnel rapidly.  I offer a demonstrated track record of success selling to decision makers and early adopters. I live in San Francisco. My monthly salary requirement is $9,900 per month for the first three months and $5,800 per month thereafter.

Furthermore, he attached his resume, and it describes him as an

Accomplished sales executive offering a reputation as an unrelenting force in demand generation, and a proven track record identifying paying customers and closing deals. Sought-after for strong research skills and an ability to efficiently engage the top prospects across a broad geographic territory.

Tell me, James, if you’re so good at generating leads and identifying paying customers, why are you trying to sell to me? My consulting business is mostly a one-man operation. Why would I possibly need a salesman for $10K/month?

Furthermore, I shut that business down and returned to full-time employment over a year ago, which James could have discovered with his “strong research skills” by checking public records to see that my state registration has expired, or checking my company web page, or even — God help us — glancing at my LinkedIn profile.

Anytime this week or next week works for me if you wish to have a 30 minute phone conversation. Thanks for your consideration.

James _____ (xxx) xxx-xxxx [email protected]

Despite the silliness of sending this to me, I’ve decided not to embarrass James by publishing his full name. As far as I can tell, he’s not making any kinds of unethical claims, nor is he an internet marketing douchebag. He’s offering to do the hard work of selling product in a territory. If he has a web site or Facebook marketing page or even a LinkedIn page, I can’t find it. Also, note the charmingly quaint AOL address.

Actually, it seems likely he is himself the victim of some internet marketing douchebag who sold him a list of email addresses of “owners of tech companies in the midwest who are hiring sales people.” I emailed him to ask how he picked me, but he never responded, but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.