Hey Feds, Buy My Camera Lens

Dear Federal Government,

Please buy my Nikon 35mm f/2 lens.

I bought it in 2006 for $300. My thinking was that a lens at that focal length with that aperture—a fast normal prime, in photographer lingo—would allow me to take medium shots of people in low light. I thought I would get a lot of good pictures that way, but it’s not working out. I’m just not getting as many usable pictures with that lens as I expected.

Normally, I wouldn’t ask because I know you folks in the government are buying lots of important stuff for important government-oriented purposes, such as tanks, airplanes, and Alaskan public works projects.

However, I hear you folks are working the weekend to put together a plan to spend $700 billion dollars to buy up bad investments. For example, if a bank gives someone $200,000 on a home mortgage, expecting to get a sequence of small payments in return, but the payments aren’t coming, you’d buy the loan from them in the hope of selling it to someone else later.

That sounds like my situation. I gave a camera store $300 for a lens, expecting to get a sequence of nice photographs in return, but that’s not working out. I figure you can buy it off of me and maybe you’ll find someone who will have better luck with it.

Sincerely,

Mark Draughn

P.S. I promise to go shopping with the money. Thanks.